I hear many people refer to their genitals using derogatory terms like junk. Where does this come from? We also use words that mean sex or sexual body parts as curse words like “Fuck” or calling someone a “Prick” and I could go on and on. When I moved to Seattle three and half years ago I heard the term “sex positivity” for the first time. I rarely heard the words sex and positive in a sentence together in the south. I was taken by this concept of creating such a thing as a positive outlook on sex. I always believed sex to be a positive thing personally, and I am not sure how I managed to keep a positive view of sex when I was constantly receiving negative messages about the subject growing up. Our culture and society usually paints sex as dirty, something to be ashamed of and something we should not talk openly about. I grew up in the Bible Belt. Ouch. If you aren’t from the Bible Belt and you think the messages you heard about sex were negative the ones in the Bible Belt were worse. We were taught more rules about sex or abstinence then lying or any other so called sin. Sex, the evil thing that was portrayed to be and still is in many places gave many kids such guilt and hang ups around sexuality that they continue to be ashamed of their bodies and desires as adults.
We were all created as sexual beings. Why should we be ashamed of something that is an innate part of ourselves? The clitoris is an organ that’s primary function is pleasure. We are supposed to enjoy this gift we were given. It is supposed to be a positive thing and it is even good for our overall health. They did not tell us this at the Christian School, in church or in any school in the South for that matter. If the negativity that surrounds sexuality, gender and all that has to do with us as sexual beings is going to change; WE have to take steps to facilitate that change. I believe by us using words that have to do with our genitals and sex in a negative fashion we are perpetuating the shame and negativity around sexuality. I have been guilty of this myself. I am rethinking this and consciously changing the way I use these words. I want to be a part of creating more sex positivity in the world and less shame and negativity.
As a transgendered man I see even more shame around sexuality in the trans community. Of course the fact that many trans people are not happy with the genitalia they were born with is a big part of that. This is another piece of our sexuality. The fact that so much emphasis is put on our genitalia in this society is amazing and shallow. I mean really. What is funny to me is the judgments people make about a person’s genitalia by their outward appearance. Like, the big muscular guy has to have a large penis,(not always true). One thing that I have found is that the size of the penis nor a specific way a vulva may looks does not make anyone a good lover. In fact the way one makes love or their sexual skills really doesn’t have anything to do with what their genitals look like. It saddens me the lack of depth in our society and that we keep participating in the continuation of these silly myths.
The other part that there is so much shame about is our own bodies. If our bodies are not a certain way, don’t have the TV actor or runway model look, we don’t measure up. Bullshit! I love the variety that we humans come in. Yes, we all want to be healthy and you have been given an amazing machine as a shell to carry you around this adventure of life. Make friends with it. Appreciate the wonder of it. Be kind to it. Enjoy it. It serves you. Each cell in this shell called a body that carries us around has intelligence. These intelligent cells hear all of the messages we send them. We can tell these cells we appreciate them and send them love and gratitude or we can tell them daily that we hate them. It is our choice. This does affect our health, physically, mentally and spiritually. As an energy healer, I can tell you that almost everyone I have ever met with a physical illness has a strong emotion connection tied to that illness. We all have tapes or messages that play in our heads. Some are negatives things from our parents, from being bullied or from the shit that our society has fed us. And as adults we get to choose to change these messages and create new ones. Choose a better message to send to the cells in this amazing body you were given. Focus on the wonder of it. As a healer I believe you can make changes in your health and body but only after you have made peace and friends with the one you have now.
I challenge you and myself to start being more conscious of the words we use and the way we talk about sexuality, gender and our bodies. Let’s be a part of creating a more sex positive culture; to speak up when we hear people perpetuating shame or negativity around the beautiful human body, sex, sexuality or gender. The next time you hear someone referring to their genitals as “JUNK” ask them why. Just getting people to think about the way they talk about their bodies and sex can create positive change.
A Sex Positive Culture, what an amazing concept! I wish I had grown up in one and we can make that happen for future generations.